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‘If you can’t spell it, you can’t catch it’
President Trump tweeted about the coronavirus on Wednesday, misspelling it “caronavirus” while accusing the news media of spreading hysteria.
“Now, concerns of a global pandemic are growing, but fear not: The president knows he has a solemn duty to protect himself, because the Trump campaign is afraid that the coronavirus will hurt his re-election bid. I look forward to that transcript being released. [As Trump:] ‘Hello, Ukraine? I need information on a ‘Hunter Coronavirus.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“I saw that there’s a chance Diet Coke production could be interrupted. One man heard that and was like, [imitating Trump] ‘O.K., now we have a problem.’” — JIMMY FALLON
At a White House news conference on Wednesday, Trump announced that Vice President Mike Pence would be in charge of American efforts to keep the pandemic from spreading.
“Why is Mike Pence in charge? What is his plan to stop the virus, abstinence? I think Trump might be trying to kill him, I really do.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Yes, this is major news: Vice President Mike Pence will be in charge of America’s effort to contain the coronavirus. And I think this is great, yeah, because Mike Pence has a lot of experience in this area — he’s been quarantining himself from women his whole life.” — TREVOR NOAH
The Punchiest Punchlines (Chocking Edition)
“Last night there was another Democratic debate, and it was total chaos. Some people complained about all the yelling, while Bernie Sanders was like, ‘This is great! I can finally hear everyone.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Everybody was fighting to get a word in. For a lot of these candidates, it’s desperation time. This was their last shot. They were waving their hands in the air like they just don’t Medicare.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Does the C in CBS stand for cluster[expletive]?” — SETH MEYERS
“He almost got through a whole tweet without a spelling error, but at the last minute, he chocked. He does have a point, though — this is actually what a lot of voters are saying about Elizabeth Warren: She talks the talk, can she chock the chock?” — JAMES CORDEN
The Bits Worth Watching
Inspired by Ted Cruz (apparently a fan of this segment), Jimmy Kimmel challenged Republicans to correctly identify any country on a map of the world.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Elisabeth Moss will visit Seth Meyers on Thursday to talk about her new film, “The Invisible Man.”
Also, Check This Out
Katie Hill, who resigned from Congress last year after nude photos of her were published online, has a book in the works that is part memoir, part gender-equity battle plan. “She Will Rise” will be released on Aug. 18, the 100th anniversary of the ratification of the 19th Amendment, which gave women the right to vote.